Thursday, April 22, 2010

At Communion

Whether I kneel or stand or sit in prayer
I am not caught in time nor held in space,
But, thrust beyond this posture, I am where
Time and eternity are face to face;
Infinity and space meet in this place
Where crossbar and upright hold the One
In agony and in all Love's embrace.
The power in helplessness which was begun
When all the brilliance of the flaming sun
Contained itself in the small confines of a child
Now comes to me in this strange action done
In mystery. Break time, break space, O wild
and lovely power. Break me: thus, am I dead,
Am resurrected now in wine and bread.

-Madeline L'Engle-

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

from the mouth of a mademoiselle

I like to think that Madeline L'Engle and myself are kindred spirits.

I've never read any of her books, but today i picked up a collection of her poetry, The Weather of the Heart, and all i would like to say to her is, "Madeline, I couldn't have said it better myself."

Also, I think you get to know a person better through their poetry.
I don't think you can help but express your heart through poetry.

Neither sadist nor masochist, I still

Must turn to violence: break, be broken.

False image of myself I beg you: kill.

Help me destroy the one of you I’ve spoken

Within my wilful heart. It is no more you

Than I am all that I would wish to be.

I cannot really love you till I hew

All these projections of an unreal me,

An imaged you, to shards. Then death

Will have a chance to free me for creation.

God! All this dying has me out of breath.

How do i understand reincarnation?

But if I burst all bonds of self-protection

Then I may find us both in resurrection.

-Long Loved Love: 6-

Monday, April 5, 2010

my God, He is gentle

"He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness

For His name's sake"

It's been a difficult past few months. Some days have been dark and filled mostly with heartache and questioning. And as today has been an extremely emotional day, i am overwhelmed at the realization that my God is gentle.
Throughout this whole mess, He has been there.
Guiding, loving, holding, teaching.
It's been a while since I've opened my Bible just to read His words, yet i know He understands. for the first time in my life, i don't feel as if He is angry with me for neglecting to read.
And it's beautiful, because while i've been questioning His very existence, it's as if He's been holding my hand through the whole thing.
at the same time of my uncertainty, i am so certain that He is.
so very aware of His presence.
Like a mother who gently brushes her daughter's hair as she weeps,
so it has been.

how can i describe to you the love of the Father?
gaze upon the cross,
upon the tree
where He willingly gave up His life
and cried to the Father, "Forgive them, for they know not what they do!"
as we questioned, and mocked.
what love is this?
oh, if only you could feel what i feel in this moment.
my God, He is gentle
He is understanding
He is loving
He is sovereign
He is kind
He is.