A place, a place

A trundle bed, a dog.

A window, a pillow.

A home, a family.

A place, a place.

With every new place I find that my desire to learn is camouflaged by a desire to morph - to change, to mold into who people are instead of who I have yet to be. From where do these things come? Where do they find their roots? And will they ever be choked out by an overwhelming contentedness?

In Indiana, there is space. Standing on a small hill, I can look out over the vast expansion of crops at rest in the winter and think. But bitter wind and cold air has prevented me from doing so thus far, and so I will have to wait to think. I will have to absorb and experience until I can think, but then thinking will be great and my heart and mind will be at a better place to grow and hear.

I am a Pilgrim in the world

"In the earth I wander, but in God I dwell in a quiet habitation."

Heschel: God in Search of Man

"Lift up your eyes and see. How does a man lift up his eyes to see a little higher than himself? The grand premise of religion is that man is able to surpass himself; that man who is part of this world may enter into a relationship with Him who is greater than the world; that man may lift up his mind and be attached to the absolute; that man who is conditioned by a multiplicity of factors is capable of living with demands that are unconditioned. How does one rise above the horizon of the mind? How does one free oneself from the perspectives of ego, group, earth, and age? How does one find a way in this world that would lead to an awareness of Him who is beyond this world?"

lessons in denial, lessons in grace

spring is coming too soon.

the ground was soggy, the air was wet

and my heart is not ready

because seasons match seasons

and this season is still winter.

-

continually reminded that there is a world outside of myself,

a world full of aching hearts, and desperate people.

what does selflessness truly look like?

and when i look in the mirror,

do i see self

or do i see others?

-

realizing that the absence of family and home

is a long season.

and longing is a part of life,

because longing sets us on the search

that leads straight into his arms.

passing, and mourning

she is missed.