Fragrance in the night

its spring here in Massachusetts.


tonight my heart sang
"I am strong in the strength of the LORD"



and as i walked backed to my room, i was utterly amazed at the rich fragrance that seeped from the flowers on the nearby trees.
i wish i could share spring time with you here.
it brings a joy. a very lovely joy.

At Communion

Whether I kneel or stand or sit in prayer

I am not caught in time nor held in space,

But, thrust beyond this posture, I am where

Time and eternity are face to face;

Infinity and space meet in this place

Where crossbar and upright hold the One

In agony and in all Love's embrace.

The power in helplessness which was begun

When all the brilliance of the flaming sun

Contained itself in the small confines of a child

Now comes to me in this strange action done

In mystery. Break time, break space, O wild

and lovely power. Break me: thus, am I dead,

Am resurrected now in wine and bread.

-Madeline L'Engle-

from the mouth of a mademoiselle

I like to think that Madeline L'Engle and myself are kindred spirits.

I've never read any of her books, but today i picked up a collection of her poetry, The Weather of the Heart, and all i would like to say to her is, "Madeline, I couldn't have said it better myself."

Also, I think you get to know a person better through their poetry.

I don't think you can help but express your heart through poetry.

Neither sadist nor masochist, I still

Must turn to violence: break, be broken.

False image of myself I beg you: kill.

Help me destroy the one of you I’ve spoken

Within my wilful heart. It is no more you

Than I am all that I would wish to be.

I cannot really love you till I hew

All these projections of an unreal me,

An imaged you, to shards. Then death

Will have a chance to free me for creation.

God! All this dying has me out of breath.

How do i understand reincarnation?

But if I burst all bonds of self-protection

Then I may find us both in resurrection.

-Long Loved Love: 6-

my God, He is gentle

"He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name's sake"

It's been a difficult past few months. Some days have been dark and filled mostly with heartache and questioning. And as today has been an extremely emotional day, i am overwhelmed at the realization that my God is gentle.
Throughout this whole mess, He has been there.
Guiding, loving, holding, teaching.
It's been a while since I've opened my Bible just to read His words, yet i know He understands. for the first time in my life, i don't feel as if He is angry with me for neglecting to read.
And it's beautiful, because while i've been questioning His very existence, it's as if He's been holding my hand through the whole thing.
at the same time of my uncertainty, i am so certain that He is.
so very aware of His presence.
Like a mother who gently brushes her daughter's hair as she weeps,
so it has been.

how can i describe to you the love of the Father?
gaze upon the cross,
upon the tree
where He willingly gave up His life
and cried to the Father, "Forgive them, for they know not what they do!"
as we questioned, and mocked.
what love is this?
oh, if only you could feel what i feel in this moment.
my God, He is gentle
He is understanding
He is loving
He is sovereign
He is kind
He is.

reflections of a hurting heart

To say that my heart is wicked sounds like avoiding a responsibility.

To simply blame it on human nature sounds like im shifting the blame.

i am the sinner.

it is still my heart, my mind, my nature.

i am the sinner.

but Christ has set me free. God has poured out His grace.

by His wounds, i am healed.

today i was reminded of two things: (1) never give up (2) fear not

though a legion of demons seek to destroy, though the whole world lay under the sway of the wicked one

remember: God is greater.

they here His name and they tremble.

in His name

There is power, there is love, there is freedom.

all of your striving will only produce idolatry and heartache.

Victory is in Jesus.

"Humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time."
1 Peter 5:6