"you ate an apple, and i ate a pear."

"All i could see from where i stood

was three long mountains and a wood;

I turned and looked another way,

And saw three islands in a bay.

So with my eyes I traced the line

Of the horizon, thin and fine,

straight around 'til I was come

Back to where I'd started from..."

i fell in love with edna st. vincent millay's work while in an airport.

i was with a friend, waiting to board a plane home after a two week trip in the Adirondack's, when i picked up a collection of the major american poets that i had bought for $2 on a street in Cambridge.

the above passage is from "Renascence."

I think it caught my eye because the first two lines described my point of view from the last two weeks, but reading it now, I'm struck by what the Lord is continually teaching me.

oh goodness, i can be so blind sometimes.

if i tried to explain what i mean, how the poem correlates with my present, it wouldn't make much sense.

but anyways, i was writing a letter tonight to a La Vida friend and found God continually teaching me, again.

um, let me go back a little farther. La Vida is kind of the outdoor education program at my school. It was originally developed through Young Life, and the current director brought it to my school and now its become part of the core curriculum. It is a two week program based in the Adirondack's, and is kind of a camping trip, but way more hardcore. We pee in the woods, we eat food off the ground, we don't shower for two weeks....that sort of thing. Anyways, it was an absolutely incredible, life-changing experience. It gave me time to reflect on this past year, my first year away from home and in college, and I've realized how God has kind of brought me right back to where I've started from, and here is the beginning of a new season.

I wish i could make this more exciting with pictures, but I've only taken a few "test" pictures with my film camera, and so far nothing to report. But im sure as the summer stretches on, you may get a glimpse here and there. =]

Fragrance in the night

its spring here in Massachusetts.


tonight my heart sang
"I am strong in the strength of the LORD"



and as i walked backed to my room, i was utterly amazed at the rich fragrance that seeped from the flowers on the nearby trees.
i wish i could share spring time with you here.
it brings a joy. a very lovely joy.

At Communion

Whether I kneel or stand or sit in prayer

I am not caught in time nor held in space,

But, thrust beyond this posture, I am where

Time and eternity are face to face;

Infinity and space meet in this place

Where crossbar and upright hold the One

In agony and in all Love's embrace.

The power in helplessness which was begun

When all the brilliance of the flaming sun

Contained itself in the small confines of a child

Now comes to me in this strange action done

In mystery. Break time, break space, O wild

and lovely power. Break me: thus, am I dead,

Am resurrected now in wine and bread.

-Madeline L'Engle-

from the mouth of a mademoiselle

I like to think that Madeline L'Engle and myself are kindred spirits.

I've never read any of her books, but today i picked up a collection of her poetry, The Weather of the Heart, and all i would like to say to her is, "Madeline, I couldn't have said it better myself."

Also, I think you get to know a person better through their poetry.

I don't think you can help but express your heart through poetry.

Neither sadist nor masochist, I still

Must turn to violence: break, be broken.

False image of myself I beg you: kill.

Help me destroy the one of you I’ve spoken

Within my wilful heart. It is no more you

Than I am all that I would wish to be.

I cannot really love you till I hew

All these projections of an unreal me,

An imaged you, to shards. Then death

Will have a chance to free me for creation.

God! All this dying has me out of breath.

How do i understand reincarnation?

But if I burst all bonds of self-protection

Then I may find us both in resurrection.

-Long Loved Love: 6-

my God, He is gentle

"He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name's sake"

It's been a difficult past few months. Some days have been dark and filled mostly with heartache and questioning. And as today has been an extremely emotional day, i am overwhelmed at the realization that my God is gentle.
Throughout this whole mess, He has been there.
Guiding, loving, holding, teaching.
It's been a while since I've opened my Bible just to read His words, yet i know He understands. for the first time in my life, i don't feel as if He is angry with me for neglecting to read.
And it's beautiful, because while i've been questioning His very existence, it's as if He's been holding my hand through the whole thing.
at the same time of my uncertainty, i am so certain that He is.
so very aware of His presence.
Like a mother who gently brushes her daughter's hair as she weeps,
so it has been.

how can i describe to you the love of the Father?
gaze upon the cross,
upon the tree
where He willingly gave up His life
and cried to the Father, "Forgive them, for they know not what they do!"
as we questioned, and mocked.
what love is this?
oh, if only you could feel what i feel in this moment.
my God, He is gentle
He is understanding
He is loving
He is sovereign
He is kind
He is.