keeping a blog in college is hard

gaaaahhh sorry guys. new post soon...i think?

for now: necesito mucho prayer. things are great. God is good. i love it here. i just need prayer. it would be greatly appreciated!

i think i'll go to Boston

welllllllll, today is my last day in california. so far i've gone to bed bath and beyond, tj max, and ross, done laundry, and packed. what a wonderful way to spend my last day...NOT. needless to say, i cannot believe that its already here. Mixed emotions: excited/scared for something completely new. And i mean completely new. i've grown up in southern california my whole life and gone to calvary since kindergarten. so yes, this move is a completely new thing for me. it's kinda funny because this is one of those things that you dream/think/plan about for a very long time (and yes i realize "plan about" doesn't make sense but whatever) and when it finally happens you can't believe it. so that's where i'm at. here i am Lord....do what You will.

Goodbye California,

Hello Massachusetts. 

brain dump

according to wikipedia a brain dump is:

• Generally, the transfer of a large quantity of information from one person to another or to a piece of paper can be referred to as a 'brain dump'.

• In slang, it can describe a hurried explanation of a system, job, skillset, or other software engineering subject.

• In computing, the phrase describes the taking of a snapshot of the internal state of a knowledge database for transfer or archiving purposes. Thus, the copying of any dataset might be called a 'brain dump' if its contents could be colloquially referred to as a 'brain'.

• In blogs the phenomenon is growing faster than ever and is allowing an outlet for people to publish their own thoughts and feelings. Blogs are in that sense also a braindump. They facilitate, rather than encourage, the expression of free and unedited thoughts.

basically there's alot of things on my mind so this blog is pretty random.

i've decided that blogs with pictures are much more interesting than blogs without. i've realized that my blog doesn't have many pictures. that will change. above is my favorite polaroid i've made so far. it was taken in amsterdam.

there are alot of things on my mind at the moment:

im really really ready to grow up.

plans work well. i need a plan.

the first two posts have nothing in common. well maybe they do. but it was unintentional.

i was supposed to sew a dress this summer using my own sewing machine and only after reading sera's blog did i remember this goal. maybe if i finish packing early....

sustained. why will my flesh never be sustained? 

saving money is definitely not my forte.

exercise needs to be a part of my weekly routine again.

Jesus, i need You. You and only You

some things (of the many) i will miss:

vanilla chia at alta. this beautiful place. my best friend.

my favorite! Branyn Elizabeth Bollman-Ortiz.

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"And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail."

Isaiah 58:11

wonderful nuggets of wisdom! free for the taking! and i ignore it...

a very dear friend directed me to romans 12 yesterday. but my lack of humility caused me to ignore it. that sounds like im putting the blame on someone else. let me try again: i didnt read it because im dumb. this morning, oh around 5:45 a.m.!!! i get a text from another dear friend reading: romans 12...so good!! however, the early morning hour + my lack of sleep due to an attempt at watching the meteor shower caused me to ignore it once more. again with the blame game....well i finally decided to sit down and read it, and let me tell you, i was so blessed/encouraged by this passage that i thought i might share it with you. so here it is. Romans 12:9-21 according to the ESV:

Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay says the Lord." To the contrary, "if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by doing so you will heap burning coals on his head"Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

aaaaahhh!! even as im typing this God is showing me soo much. why do i choose to ignore in the first place? isn't this a wonderful passage? i pray that you may be blessed/encouraged and grow in your own walks from this very passage. what a wonderful nugget of wisdom! 

thank you to dear friend #1 and dear friend #2 who challenge and encourage me to grow. i love you both very much.

i put a hole in my ear

yes. i did. i finally pierced my cartilage. lessons i've learned from this experience:

1) talking is easy. its the doing that's hard.

2)nothing but Jesus can satisfy.*

3) tattoo parlors are intimidating. so are men with gold teeth.

4)salt water taffy from a friend can always make a throbbing ear feel better. 

5)i will miss California.

*a strange lesson to learn after getting a piercing...but yes, i did learn this lesson. you see, i've wanted to get my cartilage pierced for, oh i dont know, the past four years? the first time i asked my mom she said, "Not until your 18." i continued to ask every birthday/christmas until i finally figured out that continuos asking would only irritate a mother already unhappy about her daughters desire to pierce any other part of her body besides the ear lobes. so i stopped. well i turned 18 on July 6 and got my ear pierced August 7. now i know that i wasn't going to be completely whole/satisfied/happy when i finally got it done, but as i was laying uncomfortably on my side in bed with my ear throbbing, i realized that i should have been perfectly content without an extra hole in my ear. i shouldn't have obsessed over it. for that i feel stupid. for the record, i don't regret getting this done. my best friend got her ear pierced with me (not in the same spot cause that would just be stupid and weird. hers is in the cartilage directly attached to your face. i dont know what that's called.) which was a fun little last hurrah before i leave. i'm just saying that nothing, no piercing, no new shoes, no amount of weight loss, no boy, can ever sustain us. Jesus. just Him. 

love love love, gasp!

last night i saw a movie with my buddies (that was such a boy way of putting it but "friends" just sounded so cliche...."compadres" maybe?) . 500 days of summer - you may have heard of it? it's about a boy and a girl, but it is not your classic tale of "boy meets girl" in fact the narrator even tells you in the very beginning that it is not a love story. yeah right...like we're going to believe that. but its true! it is not a love story. now im not recommending  the movie and im not not recommending it. i still havent formed an opinion about it. and although the soundtrack is amazing, the movie is not the point to this blog. my reason for bringing it up is the mood that it put me in. it made me think. not about controversial issues or whatever but about love. its kind of interesting. recently God has been transforming my mind and my perception of love and marriage. last night i took a long walk with a very dear friend and we discussed it. gosh, its so sad how society has twisted love and marriage. seriously, just turn on the radio, go see a movie, or read a book that ha been produced in the past few years. its horrible how they've twisted "love" to be a selfish, fickle feeling. i hate it. im coming to a point where i despise the very idea of the world's "love". everything we do should be to the glory of God. if we date, we date to the glory of God. if we marry, we marry for the glory of God. hmmm...there are alot of things i would like to say about this, but my thoughts are all jumbled up in a ball of bitter emotions at the moment. maybe we can get coffee and discuss it. i'd like that. before i go though, I'd like to say this: i want to hear a good sermon on the Biblical outline/guideline/setup for marriage. I want to learn of God's design for marriage. i think the church needs it too. and i mean the youth of the church. quite honestly: we're sick of the purity talks. we're sick of the abstinence talks. we've heard what we shouldn't do. we've seen all of the bad examples. now we want the good examples. we want to know what we should do. hmmm...again the ball. anyways, like i said, God's been transforming my perception of things. i thought i might share it.